Pop superstar Madonna has signed a deal worth millions with his satanic magesty, The Devil. At a press converence in Malawi, the singer announced the details of the deal to the astonished press.
"I am saddened to be leaving Warners, who I have been working with for 25 years. But I am completely delighted to sign this megabucks deal with The Devil. I will be richer than I was before. Which is nice, mothaf*ckas", said Madonna, accompanied by a number of orphans and hangers-on.
The terms of the deal include a clause whereby Madonna must hand over her soul to Satan. This detail has caused much head scratching as many believed she had already given it to him years ago.
The Devil, himself resplendent in Gucci hooves and Armani suit, outlined the main points of the arrangement.
"She gets as much power, money, mansions, beach houses, record sales, servants faberge eggs as she wants. She will never age from this point onwards. I mean physically, or should I say "externally". On the inside she'll rot like a year old turnip. SHe'll have perfect teeth, hair, skin and be incredibly bendy so she can do as much of that yoga crap as she likes. But her internal organs are mine. I need 'em to get to that soul. It's in there somewhere, I know it is. And that baby's mine" .
Madonna's husband, film director Guy Richie, was asked to comment their future togerther now.
"May I talk, Mommy?", timidly asked the man child as he gazed upwards at his super rich wife before continuing when given a discreet nod of approval, "I sold my soul to the mister Devil man so that I could marry Madonna but my contract should be up soon.I aint gonna see a cent, mate. Baby Banda's getting the lot when she eventually pops 'er clogs. So basically I'm f*cked".
Madonna has warned that she will be releasing an album of childrens songs next year - in Latin - to celebrate her 50th birthday. The Devil has promised that it will sell millions of copies worldwide and that he will make every human on Earth learn the language before the years end.
2 comments:
Does this mean we'll have tri-lingual signs now? English, Spanish and Latin?
Imagine what speed limit signs will look like in roman numeral form!!!
Jesus Budda
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